What is a self-limiting belief?
Simply put, a self-limiting belief is a belief that one holds as true about themselves or their situation that limits their ability to change their circumstances or situation.
A self-limiting belief is just that - it is self-limiting.
However, it is not as simple as that. Or is it?
Quite often one is not aware of their own self-limiting beliefs or the boundaries that they put up around themselves. Sometimes one is aware of them. These can be highlighted in the “I wish...” statements we have around change or difficulties in life. Quite often, however, one is oblivious to them or is happy to live with them and doesn’t want to let go to stay safe.
Check out the 7 blocks to personal growth.
If one is truly committed to change and growth, in any area of life, whether it is personal conflict, self-improvement, or career development, addressing self-limiting beliefs can be the very catalyst setting you off to greater things. Sometimes it can be a small mindset shift or a journey of self-discovery and healing.
See the 7 stages of personal growth.
Sometimes we just need an objective observer to help us see the limiting beliefs that we can’t see, as we try and address challenges in our lives. If that is you, it would be wonderful to hear from you, to help get you started - contact us today.
Let us take a look at 10 of the most common self-limiting beliefs.
Everyone’s circumstances are different and so the limiting beliefs are different.
It's important to note that these beliefs are self-imposed and often based on faulty assumptions or negative experiences. Challenging and overcoming these self-limiting beliefs can open new possibilities and lead to personal growth and success.
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1. "I'm Not Good Enough"
This belief often stems from low self-esteem and can prevent individuals from pursuing their goals and reaching their full potential.
Let’s be honest.
Who hasn’t suffered this to some extent in their lives?
I know I have, and sometimes I must recognise it multiple times depending on the situation and or new adventure in life. Sometimes this can be healthy to a small extent. It can help me check if I am being too hasty or if I should spend some time upskilling myself for the journey.
This is, however, a crippling self-limiting belief when it becomes the compass that guides your approach to life.
Sometimes this is the very thing that stops us from stepping out of our comfort zones and taking the jump towards what we really want.
Everyone’s story is unique, and where the “not good enough” thoughts originate from are different. But one thing is for certain - feeling “not good enough” is a painful and frustrating place to be.
It does not have to be where you stay!
2. "I Don't Deserve Success"
This belief leads individuals to undermine their accomplishments and prevents them from recognizing their worth.
This is one I have seen all too often. The question of whether you deserve your successes can lead to the greatest self-sabotaging behaviour.
Personally - one forfeits their sense of achievement when they do have success.
Professionally - they often let others take credit for their hard work and miss out on their promotion.
Being ready to acknowledge you are worthy, and deserve all your successes, one success can build on to another and the sum of all your successes leads to a sense of fulfilment in life.
An important thing to note here is that everyone’s sense of success is their own. This self-limiting belief is a unique one because one often feels that their success is measured up against others or cultural definitions of success. But this is not the case here.
The “I” in the limiting belief is there because it is if you feel worthy of your success.
But you are worthy. As soon as you can realise this you will see the change from an anxious state to an accomplished state.
3. "I'm Too Old/Young"
People often believe that their age limits their opportunities or abilities, disregarding the fact that age is just a number and shouldn't dictate their potential.
This limiting belief is commonly identifiable.
My wife and I often use the saying “When we are all grown up….” We usually say this in jest as we plan and set goals for ourselves. This can, however, be a default for someone to disqualify themselves from stepping out towards their goals.
My mother was great at encouraging me to step out and take charge of what it was that I wanted to achieve. Her response was “You are big and ugly enough to do it yourself!” Not that she was calling me ugly, but you get the point. This can-do attitude helped me immensely in my earlier days - to go for it!
On the other spectrum, age is just a number.
I had the privilege of chatting to a lady who on her retirement had a desire to start a new venture. Reaching her 70’s she has been able to build a school for 200 pupils and start a business networking holiday accommodations where she develops the properties for the owners to run. If she can reach for her dreams, at nearly 70 years old, so can you!
4. "I'm Not Smart/Talented Enough"
Many individuals underestimate their intelligence or talents, which can hinder them from taking on challenges or exploring new areas of interest.
This limiting excuse can be just that, an excuse. But it is all too real.
It’s also similar to the “I’m not good enough” belief.
If you feel that this is a self-limiting belief that you struggle with, I want you to reflect on this: when will you be smart enough or talented enough to be able to see your dreams as a reality?” and “What is enough talent or smartness?”
See, the real problem with this self-limiting belief is that it stops you from even trying. And sometimes that is all that is needed… to just start.
I want to let you in on a little secret, …. Hush…., don’t tell anyone!
Even though I have a strong sense of self-assurance according to Clifton’s StrengthsFinder, I can struggle with this too. How I cope with it may be different though and I want you to consider it.
When I have this feeling, I go into the rabbit hole and study, research, and learn as much as I can on the given topic or area of concern. And I still do not feel as if I am smart enough or talented enough.
Here is the secret I have found.
Start! Start small, start where it is the most scary too.
What I discovered in my journey is, that even though I may not be smart enough to others’ standards, or those standards that I perceived as what would be considered enough, I have my uniqueness that carries way more importance towards my dreams and goals. The rest I can learn along the way, and so can you.
Consider this...
Sometimes, you may not even know what it is that you don’t know until you get there, or you may actually know, but will never get there because you don’t know you know or that you have the unique insight to radically change things within your set of God-given talents.
5. "I'm Too Shy/Inadequate to Speak Up"
This belief can make individuals reluctant to express their thoughts or ideas, hindering their personal and professional growth.
Do you often know that there is something that may need to be said or done but you stop yourself with the reasoning that “no one will listen to me” or “that is not the way I am?”
If so, you may be struggling with this limiting belief.
Sometimes it can be a fear of how you will come across to others, or if you can get the right string of sentences out before your shyness or insecurities take over.
Other times you start off showing your anxiety in speaking up and quiver in words or stutter when it isn’t something you do with friends and family. You may have this self-limiting belief.
Sometimes this is recognised as a problem for someone who really wants to have a voice in a group or on an opinion, and sometimes it is an excuse to hide away and not have to deal with confrontation. Or other times it is a fear that you can’t recognise, no matter how much you try and step out.
My experience with this is that often once they do speak out, individuals who have this limiting belief, become convicted of their position so strongly that they cannot withhold any more. When sharing their powerful message, everyone cannot do anything but stop and pay attention. And then once in the moment, the limiting belief takes over again, and they lose their momentum.
This belief is often rooted in childhood trauma and neglect.
The key to this limiting belief is a couple of things, and can often be scary, but once done so, is empowering and transformational. That is to recognise your true worth and detach from a need to have others’ opinions, as a measure of your worth, knowing that your integrity is your value.
Reaching these realizations is often achieved with a skillful coach who can help you work through the limiting thoughts and free you from the attachments.
It’s about giving you confidence in your value; turning the shyness in your contributions into a privilege for others to hear and realizing that your empathetic nature is a privilege for others to learn from.
6. "I Must Please Everyone"
People with this belief constantly seek approval from others, which can prevent them from setting boundaries and prioritizing their own needs.
This one can send people into a spin…
Always trying to please people at the expense of yourself.
Putting your dreams, plans and desires on the back burner because you must please the boss, spouse, friends, and family.
This is often met with huge dread and regret if someone even slightly mutters anything that can be construed as you being the cause of their discomfort. And so, sending you into the spin again.
After a while, years can go by and suddenly you realise your identity is gone, your ambitions are forgotten, and you have been severely taken for granted and grossly underappreciated. Often described as “feeling like a doormat.”
But, not all is lost here, and you can recover!
It is a journey of “re-self-discovery,” as you learn that your identity and your worth are not based on others' happiness or lack thereof.
You see, this limiting belief is a symptom of not being able to set healthy boundaries.
But, do not despair.
No matter where you are in life, whether you are starting a new job or relationship, church, family, or been years into it, if you have started realizing this may be something you are struggling with, it is never a permanent reality.
Set healthy boundaries, set personal goals, and seek help from someone who can keep you accountable for your change.
7. "I'm Destined to Fail"
This belief creates a negative mindset, leading individuals to expect failure and avoid taking risks or pursuing opportunities.
Really? Who told you you’re destined to fail?
This is a self-limiting belief, like many others, where you have accepted a lie about yourself in such a way that it has been accepted as truth.
This is a tricky vicious cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy and self-limiting belief that started somewhere. No matter what you say or do it always seems to be true.
But I have news for you! It does not have to be true.
Check out the Pygmalion effect to help understand this.
Destiny is something for those who don’t step out and take control. Destiny is what happens to you. It is in the very word, destined. But what is the destination that you are destined for? The destination is your choice! Do you choose to fail?
I have come to understand that people don’t necessarily need to have grandiose success or fame in their lives. But the commonality we all share is that we don’t want to be seen or feel as if we are a failure or have failed. And even the fear that we are failing or have failed can stop us from taking the necessary steps to achieve where we want to be.
But I tell you, not failing…. is not the same as having success.
I have heard it said that success can be measured by the sum of our failures.
As Thomas Edison described his journey in inventing the light bulb - all his failures were successes in discovering what didn’t work until he worked out what would.
You see, his failures weren’t his destiny or destination - they were stepping stones to achieving his goal.
8. "Money Is The Root of all Evil"
This belief can lead to a negative perception of wealth, causing individuals to shy away from financial success or opportunities.
Somehow this phrase has crept into our understanding, but the full verse is that “the LOVE of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10).
This can sometimes narrow our perspective on how we interact in the world and take hold of opportunities that arise.
You see, it is not money itself that is the root of evil, it is the prioritising of money over other morals and values that is evil.
This self-limiting belief can influence the way we approach work, finances, and budgets, how we are generous and giving, and overall, how we approach our path of where we want to be. Sometimes it can also taint how we perceive other people, by their wealth or lack thereof.
If you feel that this is something you struggle with, consider working on your values and goals, and how they can serve you. If it is a scary belief to try and overcome, speak to someone who can partner with you.
9. "I Must Be Perfect"
The belief in perfectionism can be paralyzing, leading to a fear of failure, and can prevent individuals from taking action or trying new things.
This self-limiting belief is similar to “I’m not good enough,” or “I am not talented or smart enough,” but has its uniqueness. The fear of failure or letting people down or making a mistake stops one from even trying in the first place.
If you do muster up the courage to start, you find that you can’t “switch off” or you feel that your project is never ready or finished. Or you stressfully check yourself in every step, again and again, making progress very slow. Procrastination, or failure to launch is something that often describes you.
Is this something that you are struggling with?
To start challenging yourself with this you can evaluate: “What is the definition of perfection?” And “Who is the judge of this perfection?” and ultimately “Is perfection even a concept that is in itself perfect?”
Often perfection is immeasurable, in our pursuit to be good enough.
If you feel that your pursuit of perfection is to help you safeguard yourself against criticism or to help you divert unwanted ridicule from certain groups or individuals, getting help while facing these challenges is recommended.
Have someone on your side!
10. "I Don't Have Enough Time"
Many people believe they lack time to pursue their goals or to engage in activities they enjoy, often neglecting to prioritize and manage their time effectively.
We all have struggled at some point with this one.
Some call it a lack of motivation, a lack of drive, or on the other side of it, we are too “busy.” This can come down to motivation.
Are you ready for the change you want or are we going to sit here and complain about not having enough time?
Enough time for what?
For your dreams? To have a fulfilling life? A life where your heart is satisfied?
If you don’t have enough time for this then everything that happens to you is your choice. Ultimately you have chosen that you have enough time to be unsatisfied - enough time to be where you are.
The truth is that…
Your desire to change needs to be stronger than the desire to stay the same… or do you not have enough time?
This can be relayed in your work, fulfilling your responsibilities, having that meaningful relationship, mending those bridges, building for the future, having quality time with family, and nurturing your values and goals.
You see, there may never be enough time, but there is always enough time if the time is now.
So, what now?
There may be self-limiting beliefs that you have realised are holding you back. Or perhaps there is something that is not quite where you want it to be.
Take the time now to deal with them. Get motivated.
If you need a skilled coach who can help you discover your calling and getting on track to living it out, we'd love to hear from you!
Perhaps you need someone who can help you reduce stress, while unlocking your full potential?
Get in touch, as we would love to partner with you on your journey to freedom and success.
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